nicmhubb

I have a new goal: I'm going to make a real effort to connect with friends--in a meaningful way. I have many acquaintances because I just haven't taken the time out of my life to put time in to connections. It has much to do with my background and trust issues--I feel uncomfortable with people who I don't know well and I sweat that I won't ever have anything to talk about. As I get older, those old friend relationships--of which I have none--become more important. Particularly important are the friendships with women. Honestly though, any friend of mine has to be comfortable with a bit of silence--I'm not much of a small talker.

It was great talking with the Spotts last night. I've missed you guys!

I have to make my bed before we head back to the fire station, so ttfn!

So, I'm a whimp. I forgive too easily in the interest of avoiding awkwardness. Last Thursday I was treated rudely by someone Chris works with. Chris confronted the guy and told him he's always being jerk. And this guy said well if they don't come to him and confront them then it's not his problem. Chris said so if you're rude to someone who won't confront you then you think it's okay--this guy said yes. When this guy emailed me to apologize I took his apology, kinda excused him because of the crappy work environment that they all deal with and said that Chris overreacted due to the building frustration in general. Chris was very understanding that I was a total whimp about his and didn't even get upset that I accused him of overreacting. I think Chris is right. This guy is a bully and I'm sorry to say I let him off way to easily. I regret not supporting my husband better.

I'm going to try to not be such a whimp and stand up more for myself when someone is a jerk to me. Damn the awkwardness. I promise to try!

My mom's a deadbeat, so there aren't very many. The two best memories that stick out in my mine are of times I was sick at home. One time I got to go to work with her when she was working at 7-11 and I got to sit in the back room. My mom brought me snacks and I got to watch TV. The other time I was sick and at home and she brought me a People magazine. I was so happy. To this day I am most sad when I'm sick and don't have someone to take care of me.

Kinda sad, but I feel good about sharing it :).

I'm tired of waiting. I'm going to get pregnant or get a dog!

Yesterday I spoke to our adoption social worker and she "has her ears and eyes open" for us. I thought we'd at least have chosen kids by now.

We've now begun the process to become licensed as foster to adopt. Chris is worried about dealing with the State oversight when having children in the home. I'm worried about taking kids in and then having them returned. We're just going with the flow.

I am not a patient person, but I guess I better learn to be.

I just proved wrong a customer who called me and yelled and swore that her power was turned off unjustly. She said she had an arrangement w/ us. I felt bad (self punisher I am) and called her back after she hung up on me to ask what phone number she would have called on to see who she spoke to. She gave those to me and then began yelling again. The numbers were ran and she didn't call in the last two months. Liar! Like I surpised. Its just not very satisfying proving wrong an idiot.

I think that my inability to make a decision has gotten me in the most trouble. This has frustrated those closest to me and frustrated myself. Or maybe the trait that's gotten me in the most trouble is my aloofness. I can't decide :)

I just bought tickets to Kids in the Hall LIVE!!

When I was 15, KITH was going to be at the Moore Theater and I was desparate to go. Unfortunately, being w/o a license and no source of income, I couldn't go. NOW I CAN!!

WHOOOO HOOOO!!

Now...who wants to go with me?

My best memories include days as a child in the summer, spending the afternoon playing in the sprinkler on the lawn of my grandmother's house. We'd run through and make up games were the sprinkler would be a door to another world, like Candyland. Then my grandmother would bring out PB and J sandwiches and milk and we'd lay out on the lawn chairs in the shade of this huge Willow tree that they had in their back yard. Napping under that tree was one of the sweetest things, slowly drying out as the breeze swept by. There is also the wonderful feeling of playing out in the hose and then coming inside and slipping into warm dry clothes and napping the afternoon away. Wow, I can't wait for summer!

Last night Chris and I had a couple over who have a 1 yr old. After smearing cheddar cheese into my living room table, leaving a trail of soggy half-eaten wheat thins from one end of the room to the other and leaving our home w/ the sound of her screaming in our ears, I couldn't help but think--I really can't wait to have kids. I happily cleaned up. I know that this happy nesting feeling will wear off quickly, but I'll enjoy my idealsim while it lasts.

Only 34 more days until Maui!! and 39 days until the wedding.

I have the dress and the license appointment. I almost have an officiant.

We still need a beach and I need to go shopping for shoes and very complicated underwear--I don't even wear make-up, so shopping for a strapless bra should be a ball!

P.S. I just talked to the Geico Gecko! They must edit out the smoker's cough for the TV.

Yesterday I set up our first home visit with the social worker who'll be helping us adopt some kids. I can't even remember at this point who I've told about this. Chris and I decided a few months ago that we're going to adopt 2 kids (siblings) from foster care.

I think I've told my whole family now--with mixed reviews. Why wouldn't you want to have your own kids? Won't those kids have major problems? The roll of the eyes by my aunt Rhonda--most tolerant human being? no.--that was the best (sarcasm). Yeah, it hurts and make me apprehensive about how accepting the family will be of our children.

The holidays were filled with thoughts about what things will be like in 2008. We should have kids in the home by June I would guess. Most of the time I'm filled with anxiety and excitement at the idea of having a family but there are times when I'm certain I'm getting in way over my head. I suppose this is was most people feel like when starting a family. These kids will be able to talk and while that will be useful, they come with a lot off troubles that I can only hope I'm equipped to help them with. I'm reading a ton about raising kids w/ abuse and trauma issues and the experiment will be how well academics do at providing frameworks for understanding where the kids will be coming from.

Oh, and DSHS is a joy to work with (sarcastic grin).

Wow, I feel like there is no time wasted that that which is spent in a cubicle. I'm sitting here waiting for 5pm to come around so that I can get out of this place. I'm surrounded by 4 ft tall walls that I've done my very best to cheer up. It's only made it more obvious how awful cubicles are--just made more blaring the fact of how futile my efforts are to distract me from the fact that I'm so isolated in my three walled room.

Hey, the money's good!

45 days more to vacation! I can make it. I'll just peek my head above the top of my South wall and sneak a peak at the window across the isle that while blinded, lets some natural light in. There is still life out there!

Gotta go--Customer Service, this is Nicole, how can I help you?